the no edit one

My thoughts just take over sometimes like one thing will lead to another I second guess my self then boom I’m having a mental down and tears start running down my face I try to talk to people about it but no one will ever know what’s going on in my head, no one will ever know my true story or mental capacity of the world put me no one but god and I will understand what’s going on fuck I don’t even know fully what I think. Writing this stuff down relaxes me but I wanna to know no no I need to know what triggers these emotions. I might send this to someone then regret it a minute later because they something personal I feel like I let go and it hurts me that part of me that that person is reading and understanding how I’m feeling it took me so long to figure out and someone just hit it thrown to them with no questions asked idk this is such a weird thing sometimes I feel like I’m a waste of space and suicidal but I’m not it’s not that I have ever tried to actually do it but I have thoughts all the time and it’s awful not that’s it’s holding me back why did I just forget what I was saying ughh oh suicide I’m not but I am I have feelings see I’m fine right now I feel like it’s just my thoughts and myself on my phone but I feel like I just went through hell to get here and it’s like that every single time I get one of these break downs idk well I’m tired but o feel like somethings wrong with me but there’s not I feel like I’m different rom everyone thinking all the stuff in my head that no one will ever under and cause fuck I don’t even understand half the shit I’m typing right now I wish there was just a button that will explain everything that will happen in my head and it likes a puzzle I didn’t know how to sign this off but it was like a half break down not a full out cry one but more of a metal fuck